105ians

Many friends and relatives came to visit paul past 2days. Paul is happy to see them esp his mum and son. He had spoken to doctors his desire to be sedated at all times as he had done everything and the waking hours are too torturing for him as his pain at his abdomen is getting more severe and doctors believe the tumour has spread to most of his organs. Since they are very sure there will not be any cure for him medically even with the latest chemo drugs as his condition is too critical, we decided not to proceed with anymore tests, scans, x-rays etc etc.

Last 2 nights was not easy for me as i was so worried that he stopped breathing. I know i have to let him go since he's so peaceful and ready now and moreover he's going home with the Lord, no more sufferings. I will let him go, Oh Lord, just take him when the time is right....

Two nights ago, paul was very alert and told me that he's going to say a very important prayer and he needed me to agree with him. I did and his prayer was for God to take him home very soon and if possible by that night itself.

I will definitely miss him dearly. He had given me so many unforgettable memories, he lifted me up when i was down, he gave me the confidence which i lost during my difficult times, i can always be myself with him, we share so many common interests, golf, gym, food, travel, etc. we communicate so much and even though he doesn't bowl, he encouraged me to play the game again and just sat there and watched me. He knows he's temperamental and not many people can accept him and confessed he's not a good person as he's proud, not sensitive to others' feelings and many a times offended people unintentionally. Whatever flaws he has, he's still my dearest and i thank God for him and very proud of him for being such a great fighter and most importantly he doesn't lose faith in God even upto today.

I can feel that the time is very near esp when he told me about the two angels he saw yesterday by his sides, I just pray for strength and peace for me as i see him go home with the Lord. Even now, i am still praying and hoping there's a miracle but i know God knows what's best for His children.